Lindsay Yeah, although all for non-pandemic times. If its something that you just cant some to terms with, than it may just be an incompatibility that you two cant overcome. Is this normal? Some families really are just that close. 1. As for the LWs sitch, its only been a few weeks. Addie Pray The LW just needs to talk it over with the boyfriend and agree with what works for both of them. Will.i.am And am going to go to the bathroom, stick my head up my ass, sign lulabyes and probably have quite a splendid day. ele4phant so you dont promote communicating with your partner about money or anything else before moving in? If they are going to see his parents then I think he should pick up the tickets, especially since finances are tighter for her. The oldest brother, who worked in Belgium a few hours away (and had a nice apartment there) would always, always take the train home as soon as work finished on Friday. I think you guys need to slow this relationship down quite a bit, you guys are going full speed ahead, when you should really just be enjoying the very begining of your relationship together. That is not the way that I would ever want it to be. They live together 7 days a week, so I dont see whats the big deal if he spends only 2 of those days with them (unless he never gives his gf a single weekend). Most likely the LWs boyfriend will be fine with her going to the city instead most weekends, she just has to voice what she wants. Oh yeah I forgot about that. Maybe he feels that since he sees the gf all week now, he should spend weekends with his family. Just remember how he didnt want tomove out of his parents house. Unless, of course, there are some urgent circumstances. I lived in his hometown and so did his parents. after the fact she admitted there were things wrong with the relationship but she was so in love with him and couldnt imagine that he was really doing that to her. 5. Your husband does not know what to do with himself on weekends. tbrucemom Whether you need help around the house, want to go on a romantic weekend getaway together, or just want to cuddle while watching movies, youre entitled to it. She does say they sleep there on weekend nights, so that would indicate that its longer than just a leisurely lunch. January 20, 2012, 9:36 am. He even startedtalking badly about your family, and you feel he wants to distance you from them. . Pronouns made that a little less clear. You can be with his family every weekend and every holiday, but he can never be with yours. And I think this is the case here. Not needing to have such a sterile conversation because youve given enough time to learn that about each other naturally and observe how the other person lives? After marriage, EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY was spent at his folks house. The evening must be spent together as well? Personally, I would give him an ultimatumtherapy or you need to move on and find someone whos actually emotionally available. For that matter, so do many of the ideas posted here in response. Ktfran Just because you live together does not mean the dating portion of events is over. Maybe he is making up time for that. She likes my family, but wanted a relationship with my father that is separate from them, and he agreed to it. They go to see one of their families every weekend or see both some weekends, and its something they both agree on. My guess is this is the first real issue thats cropped up since they started dating and shes been stricken with communication paralysis. Then again if this is an issue of homebody vs. not-homebody, that is not so simple. I mean if youre moving in together youre obviously adults, and it shouldnt be an awkward conversation. Listen and dont judge when he tells you why he likes going to his parents and respect his opinion on that. He likely will turn into the bf, or if they marry the husband, who is the stay-at-home couch potato, while LW pines for outside the home activities. No, spending 1 or 2 weekends with the parents or your boyfriends isnt that many, but it is, if you dont get to see your boyfriend at all in between these times. Link AnneJune 18, 2014, 10:20 am January 20, 2012, 10:58 am. That was seven years ago. As your history with him has shown, he likes spending Its different than what youre used to, sure, and its maybe not something you would do yourself. I see someone who wants to maximize the amount of time he spends with people he cares about, and I get not caring if its the LWs couch or his parents couch, hence the activity suggestions. It is not wrong to Want to spend time with loved ones, but as an adult you ought to be fair and accommodating of your partner and potential kids. So much fun and its free! So in defense of people like me, I think sometimes people think they are just showing you they love you and want to spend time with you but dont realize they are guilting you. Hosting a BBQ is a great idea. She simply doesnt have to be at the parents place with her boyfriend that often. WebGo to counseling with your husband. And there are always occasions forfamily gatherings. Anne has since finished her probation and has a 5-year-old son who my mother dotes on. I have to say, I kind of feel like LW jumped the gun on this one. Its time for him to grow up. leilani Our compromise (when we lived closer, now we live about 6 hours away) was that we would see my family for dinner once a month and that I could go over other times but that he preferred to stay home. January 20, 2012, 10:09 am. but you have to talk to him about it. ), you also like using your weekends to relax and enjoy the city in a way you dont get a chance to do during the busy week. Husband thinks spending Christmas Day just us then dividing the rest of the following week between families is a DO NOT just wait every weekend with huffy baited breath to see what he will choose, voice what you want. January 4, 2021, 3:30 am. Once that ebbs a little, I predict things are going to get problematic. Isnt that the point of waiting to move in with someone? Everyone knows how to throw a frisbee, right? Or go to batting cages. I think maybe its like he would spend time with her, and go on his own to his parents before they moved in, but since they live together maybe she feels like since hes going she has to go along. Another weekend and the same situation again; its like youre living in Groundhog day. But Im a very direct, honest, forthright, loud kind of person. But if throughout dating you looked for all those little signs and clues that led you to believe that you are on the same page, I do not see the need for an official information session, or why it is wrong to assume that things will just continue as they are. Over time, the wife found living so close to her in-laws stifling, contributing to the divorce. Your problem is thinking you can change him. By the same token, I DO need to get out as well; just staying in every weekend gets old pretty fast. So, she will either have to accept that this is how they are, or leave. January 4, 2021, 3:41 am. ele4phant I swear, learning how to deal with my aunt (whos a little over the top with this) was a huge victory. Did I read this right, they have been dating four months, and are now living together? Not youre wrong and you have to change. Yeah, I dont see the dysfunction either. If he did this every single night, though, I would not be so supportive, to say the least. But Im talking about my family. Exactly! LW I would advise you not to make it seem like you are asking your boyfriend to choose either you or his family. January 20, 2012, 9:33 am. June 18, 2014, 11:41 am. Yeah.. January 20, 2012, 12:15 pm. I dont go with my husband every time he sees his parents, and he doesnt come with me every time when I go see mine. but, i mean my husband and i just talked about it. I would say I prefer half my weekends to either be spent relaxing at home or sitting on a beach. Thats a long ass time at home, no? OR maybe he makes more money than she does and doesnt realize the strain on her finances. January 20, 2012, 9:44 am, So this is what you need to do LW. Sorry if someone else mentioned this and I didnt see, but it seems as though the boyfriend moved straight from his parents house to with her, right? Youve got to convince him that he can enjoy But she doesnt seem to mind it. Let your boyfriend stay at his parents longer and do something else in the meantime. Although that is a great idea, unfortunately, those plans arent going to work for me as my boyfriend likes to tag along his parents whenever he goes on trips. Its when a relationship switches from the wooing phase to the were together phase. She should say something about it to the BF at least. You SHOULD sit down and have a rational, democratic discussion about the BIG ISSUES before you move in together, if you havent already discussed them outright. By not wanting to rock the boat people are just blindly having faith in relationships. Like hey I can afford around this much, SO says I can afford a little more, so how about I pay a little more of the rent every month so we can get a nicer place? hops the bus and goes straight home. I think that, though you try to play it off as not a big deal, you are a little jealous/sad that your boyfriends parents live close and yours live far away. WebHusband spends all his free time with his adult chilrdren. Do you guys never visit/spend time with them? Whats behind your husbands need to spend every weekend with his family? Agreed, there is too much time spent sitting on the couch in this letter. He has a scenario in his head of how they feel hurt, and thats why he has to see them every weekend. June 18, 2014, 12:24 pm. Shes not being selfish or mean, shes simply asking for him to place more importance on her & their relationship. Hey, were in 100% agreement today, as opposed to 80%. Unfortunately, men dont seem to pick up that way. Hopefully by the time you are an adult you have been given and shown the coping skills youll need to support Yourself. It definitely sounds like there are some boundary setting issues here, but IDK dysfunctional is a stretch. husband goes to his parents every weekend. If you have something like, oh, I dont know, a skydiving excursion planned on, say, a Saturday afternoon that hes home, and maybe a float trip on Sunday morning before he leaves, that leaves just a small amount of time for him to see his parents enough for a short visit, but not so much that youre spending 80% of the weekend with them. He usually wants to go to his parents house every single weekend he gets to come home. But to leave your girlfriend every weekend for no other reason than youd rather spend time with your parents than with her is showing a major red flag. Its called enmeshment. I feel like this letter would have been far more appropriate AFTER a conversation where the boyfriend shut her down. Spend most of their spare time with Mom, and significant others take a backseat. January 20, 2012, 11:08 am. No one said they cant, just that they like to see each other on weekends. Its not annoying for either one of them, because they have both communicated that its something they like to do. June 18, 2014, 10:08 am. Hed schedule one weekend a year when his best friends came to his town to party. I kind of feel like LW jumped the gun on this one my. The couch in this letter usually wants to distance you from them, and are now living together ideas... Wanted a relationship with my father that is not the way that I would advise you not make. Did I read this right, they have both communicated that its something they both on... Couch in this letter to convince him that he can never be with yours definitely sounds like are... Schedule one weekend a year when his best friends came to his town to party since sees! Mother dotes on they feel hurt, and its something they like to.! Home, no hurt, and it shouldnt be an awkward conversation, there are some boundary issues! Did I read this right, they have been dating four months, and feel. 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