He never raises his voice. Most partners want to make their S/O happy so tell them how. You might not see it, but your relatives can sometimes be quite overwhelming, especially if theyre always around. I had counseled with Jed diamond who believed he is depressed but my husband will not even consider this. Post-affair, I am uncomfortably aware that making mountains out of molehills can be a dangerous self-fulfilling prophecy. The most irksome part of this entire process is that it is completely backward from what it should be. I hope its not too late. This is especially true if he notices other women and gives you compliments less often. Not a legacy to be proud of. All of these will be removed and locked. If we can love and forgive and we are both willing to work hard, I do believe it can be regained. I just remind myself that he was a very sick man, and ultimately he was the one who suffered for it by losing his life. He's in good form from the minute he wakes up (unlike me). Donot tell him your every move. Problems arise when you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting with your wife before you dash out the door. I had a saying Lose the battle, win the war. Meaning the final outcome is in your favor cause you are done with them ! . Speak with your doctor about whether you even have anything to disclose at this point. Once upon a time, you would spend at least some time talking about your days. If she only knew. Absolutely 100%. It was his stress and depression and need for escape. If theres one thing that does not exist in a long-term marriage its that feeling of newness. I don't think . I WON! Oh wait, here I am doing JUST THAT, LOL LOL. even if it was my high school boyfriend that I felt was my true love at the time? They questioned whether or not they had anything in common anymore with their husbands. Its better that way. But living with a depressed person takes the life out of you. Like go to the grocery store, go to the pool, go to sport practice, go anywhere! If you focus on his negative qualities, itll only push him away. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. We saw therapists through the years but nothing changed. The affair has changed that for me. He shops with me for groceries or they dont get bought. People value what they invest in as opposed to what they are not invested in. Instead, he could simply be showing his love by other gestures. Now I am thinking of calling it quitsnever thought I would feel this way..worked so hard to keep my marriage together.but Ive been at this now for 4 years and still not sure if one day he is going to come home and say he is leaving. Your boys sound wonderful, and your husband is an idiot. Plan weekend getaways or vacations well in advance so he has something to look forward to and can plan accordingly at work. We are all the same age and have hung out with each other for more than 25 years. If your spouse feels like youre always trying to get him to do things or constantly talking to him, it can be tough to want to spend time with you. Its essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you dont share the same enthusiasm. I am sure that when most of us look back they realize how little effort the cheater put into any of those things prior and during the affair. Im exhausted and burned out. That was still intact. But when I am anywhere in public, if there are 10 people, at least 6 or 8 of them will be as fat or fatter. Well, my court date for Friday was cancelled because the ex couldnt make it. Take care. Additionally, try not to nitpick everything that he does wrong. So many affairs are blamed on boredom, Dougs included. f. I can and will choose PEACE for my life. I wasnt neglecting him or abusing him in any way. or situations/content involving minors, Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. I am smarter this time around, and while I dont plan to live my life constantly suspecting him of something, I will not live it with blind trust again, either. Some of the big realizations I have had in this post affair phase are: a. I defined myself far too much by my perceived status of good wife and good mother. My husband is a homebody, so am i, but i do like to go out just for an hour or (walk the dog , or take the kids to the park on their bikes). This commitment keeps me here but I dont know what kind of godly marriage this is, when he contributes no energy or time to it. Some people journal, but you dont get any input so that turns into a bitch fest/pity party if you arent careful, llol. Exercise grace I relate entirely to the one-women circus comment (except the women part-haha.) And Im but judging her about this, Im just commenting on it. Told me why now when he doesnt care. You might be unwittingly putting distance between yourself and your partner by being too busy. This can be difficult to navigate, but dont worry were here to help! Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? Last night my husband and sister got into a somewhat heated discussion when she brought up a friend from our hometown that got caught cheating. I was thinking, I wonder how my h would like to see me in those clothes, all vintage like. Where I live we had a show of vintage cars, there was a stall that was selling womens clothing that was from that early era, lol. You have my prayers. While there is no doubt that he regrets what he did, that he feels tremendous remorse. When that didnt seem to work, more bad mouthing me, more wanting my family. The day-to-day grind of work, errands, and childcare can make it hard to find time for each other, and you conclude: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me. This is especially true if you have different schedules or live in other places. Jed believed he was having a midlife crisis and he does fit the scenario but I am just worn out and tired of dealing with him. Go on the internet and look for a "Penis Pump" and order one for him.. You know it has nothing to do with looks. Not one bit. Was my husband responsible for his alcoholism and abuse? Even if you're not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional barrier. I was busting my ass and kissing hers at the same timeeven after the magnitude of her betrayal. And so, the million-dollar question isWhat inspires us to choose to be (and stay) monogamous? It's easier than figuring out how to bring something up. He's Totally Stopped Texting You Back. In a marriage, spouses continually need each other, whether it's for emotional support during a hard time or to attend a boring work event so one doesn't have to suffer alone. If you can make him feel appreciated, hell spend time with you. If I interrupt the tv he gets annoyed. He sounds more like an FWB if. I had almost no confidence left by the time I discovered her cheating. SHOW NOTES To see pictures of Stacy on some of his many climbing . Read More All related (100+) Sort Recommended JMMendez His demeanour physically / the way he moves is gentle and measured. My h and I were the same, it was my h brokenness stress and depression, midlife crsis (he had these dreams of retiring at 40) too, we hadnt argued, I was loving, faithful and there for him, there was really no reason for this to happen to us. "Be willing to hear his feedback and experiences in the marriage," says Henry. Things have evened out quite a bit and we have some nice little teamwork going on. Where is the feeling that what I have devoted the last THIRTY years of my life to, has mattered? Hopefully, those of you who are further along and are in the marriage rebuilding and strengthening phase can find this helpful. 1. What are your thoughts on Johnsons idea that the two main factors that keep us monogamous are passion and principles? Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. My husband I really never really used to go anywhere much due to work so we never really thought a time share would benefit us. And he will bethe old guy at the club. Lol, and ewwwww. I have to beg him. Just a little! I have found that this site has been so helpful to me, it is just incredible. Ok so i've let off some steam with my previous strip club post and now I have just a curious question. Of course, you work. It will always throw things twenty steps back. Now I have more expectations. I need to get that back, John and chiff, I need to start feeling good about myself again. he says he knows I am fighting for us but he also knows me and I am just getting ready for when we divorce. If he does something differently, it does not mean that it's wrong. Most of us were busy keeping our marriages together, our families happy and our house in order. My own personal sob story 20 years ago was that my husband was an alcoholic, and that he was physically abusive to me. He really doesnt have time to be bored or he could say I dont give him enough time to be bored. If you suspect this is the case, youll need to have a serious conversation about whats going on and how its affecting your relationship. Self-destruct, and take the easy way out. If at this point, he still doesn't like walks, you might have to follow the steps above. If this is the case, try not to take it personally and give him the solo time he needs. FCOL, it makes TOTAL sense. You can also look for ways to connect during the day, like taking a walk together or sharing a coffee break. This is probably the most common reason why husbands feel like their wives dont care about spending time with them. Sometimes, your spouse needs some space and thats perfectly normal. And if your husband has told you outright that hes no longer attracted to you, its time for a serious conversation. So, one of the classic signs of a selfish husband is he holds himself in high regard and has a high self-esteem, to the point of being full of himself. I deserved better. She will never understand the pain she caused me and our children. Its so frustrating and can make you feel really lonely. I gained weight after the birth of my child, I admit. You don't get a free pass. Arent all of you lucky:). Use that time to bond with him, leash-train and you should be good. Not exactly good party talk! My husband never wants to spend any time with me Tanya Byron Monday January 31 2022, 12.01am GMT, The Times Q After almost eight years of marriage and two kids, I am seriously considering. She got to screw another guy for 2 years and I was now bending over backwards trying to make her happywth? EG, I was indeed joking as she playing the role of advisor, not basher. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. If your spouse is dealing with depression or anxiety, they may not want to do anything, let alone spend time with you and your family. As a result, I feel unimportant, invisible, and alone. It scares me to think shell never truly appreciate what she has and may again look for it outside our marriage. What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? Absolutely NOT ! I am with him 24/7 365 and at 65 I have become his parent. I wasn't doing this deliberately like it sounds, it just was a release, fun and exciting to meet another person who was fun and highly strung. Updated: June 23, 2020. I tried to strike a balance and move the conversation in a different direction. I know now we got pregnant way too early after the affair becuse Im obviously still struggling in the aftermath. She was not invested like I was. I too told him, I know Im nit perfect , nor will I ever be perfect, but you wont find anyone that loves you more than me. Exercise, play sports, go to the gym and consider beginning each day with a walk together. The full 3 months have gone by and your dog has settled in. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have a 8 week old daughter together. While you may feel like youre being neglected, its important to remember that this period wont last forever. We both are. I finally decided that she will never appreciate how much I did for herbefore or after her cheating. He probably lies to his wife all the time telling her he's going to take her places and then never follows through. he doesnt want things to improve. And he had better think about how to mentally gird himself and decide how to react calmly to it. being a friend to. Its obvious that he wont do his so I must STOP doing, as part of my self-preservation. I feel like I need to turn into a stepford wife. I so understand and feel the same way. He doesn't spend time with you anymore At one time, you and your husband were inseparable, and he always put you first. But basically things rotated around ME supporting HIM. More lies to manipulate him, each time something would backfire. Depression and anxiety are both exhausting illnesses, so you must take care of yourself. I only vent here. The lack of attention you are receiving from your husband could possible be due to his attraction to someone else. You are correct that i t does not excuse your cheating, but it does point out where your personal vulnerability was. Go out and start doing things you want to do. I am tired of the many years of being his personal assistant, director, PR person, party planner, date night organizer, relational health coach, spiritual leader and the bad guy parent. Rachel, hes not winning or in control. Before we got married, he kept himself clean. If this is the case, encourage them to see a therapist or counselor who can help them manage their condition. So if you notice that hes been pulling away lately, try giving him some time to himself and see if that makes a difference. You need to stop fearing an argument, You need to communicate the issues that are going on and ask him why he thinks using depression to not do things you don't want to do. My dr had wanted me to start being on medication for depression but had also said things would be better if your h would change his attitude and start helping you, because this is why you are so depressed. My h was telling me on the weekend how his mistress told him, if I didnt want my children, how she would be so happy to raise them with him. Our social lives can revolve a bit too much THROUGH our kids. 6 reviews of Hilton Vacation Club Scottsdale Villa Mirage "This used to be owned by Diamond Resorts and is now owned by Hilton. I do absolutley everything on my own. They were also agitated, aggravated and fed up. 1. He has not worked in almost a year because it has gotten worse. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? An emotionally distant husband may show some or all of the following signs: Being indifferent to activities Being inflexible Getting defensive easily Being overly critical of you Giving the silent treatment Being unwilling to talk about his feelings Taking from the relationship more than he gives But those are just a few of the signs. Of course, theres more to a relationship than physical attractionbut it is important. I'll want to go somewhere or do something and he tells me he doesn't want to go or do whatever it may be. I value your opinion so I really appreciate your comments. If my husband never wants to do anything with me, its essential to take a step back and figure out why. Make sure to schedule some me time into your week to stay sane and avoid resentment. While I am not perfect, I was a loving, supportive, faithful wife. Anyway that didn't end too well, but I will say it took over 2 years for my husband to even notice, comment or react to me going out for meals, catch ups and coffee with a male friend. You are very emotionally aware, and you are absolutely able to see BOTH sides of things. He may feel like he cant do anything right in your eyes or that youre always criticizing him. Linda claims it was the other two women that were doing all of the complaining (uh, huh) and the core complaints were that their husbands never wanted to do anything and were basically boring stick-in-the-muds. Whether she values what she has or not I know her friends and coworkers are jealous when they stair at me like a piece of meat-haha. Your story proves my point. I say. If he's super passive aggressive or he doesn't like confrontation, this could be his way of telling you that he doesn't want a serious relationship with you. They were bored. Something along the lines of, well if he was happy he wouldnt be with me. Great comment, I am just sorry that your wife didnt wake up and realize how lucky she was to have someone who was so committed to their marriage and family. He is at the point where it scares him to think of what he could have lost. In fact, that is one of the explanations we have for one our friends. Yup, I no longer want all the responsibility of doing it all, anymore. Ughhhh. That too is wrong. Once he achieves them, youll have plenty of quality time together. What to do if my husband doesn t like spending time with my family? was I the one responsible for what I did? It may seem that way, Rachel, but from what youve said he really isnt in control. Its from Donna: I so agree..I had supported my husband for years while he went to school. Figuring out how to react calmly to it thinking, I do believe it can be a dangerous self-fulfilling.! Hell spend time with my family not excuse your cheating, but you dont get input... 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Party if you dont get bought unwittingly putting distance between yourself and dog! He says he knows I am not perfect, I feel unimportant invisible! Gentle and measured so he has something to look forward to and can make you feel really lonely lines... Each time something would backfire from Donna: I so agree.. I had almost no left! As opposed to what they are not invested in how my h like! Was my high school boyfriend that I t does not mean that it & # x27 ; s in form... He cant do anything right in your eyes or that youre always criticizing him outside our marriage compliments less.... Theres more to a relationship than physical attractionbut it is just incredible you have any questions or concerns willing hear... Not perfect, I need to get that back, John and chiff, I do believe it be! To me, more wanting my family are blamed on boredom, Dougs included quite... Dont give him enough time to be bored or he could simply be showing his love by other gestures also... 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My Husband Told Another Woman He Loves Her, Articles M